If I close my eyes

Let`s play a game:

Just now, in this very own moment of your life, no matter how nice, cozy, satisfying or messy and unsecure it is, if you could close your eyes and dream of something you hearts wants most:

What would it be? How does it look like?

 

I can start by telling you of my big dream.

And it is not the one I always had, it is not something old that grew until I couldn’t deny it, it is nothing I could predict I would go after at any part of my life.

But the beauty of living is in changing.

And luckily we change all the time and with us dreams can change and became something else.

 

When I first moved to Denmark we lived in a rented apartment outside the city. There wasn’t very much to see and do and my life in the beginning was very sad and empty. I dreamed about getting a house, moving closer to the people, having more of social contact and not living on a budget.

When the stars were settled perfectly on our horizon we were lucky to found a perfect lot and build a big and nice house, fill it will all the things we wanted and bit by bit expanded our living space, our social life, our interests and needs and dreams. All of a sudden there were different kind of budgets and life where we could afford vacations, breaks and small life luxuries.

 

Back in the first years in Denmark I didn’t have any income and my husband was a student working 2 jobs to get us through everything. We had 1500 kronas for food for a whole month, something that most families have on a weekly basis. I still remember how I sat and planed, looking for the food on sale and not ever going for something “extravagant” in the local supermarket. In Denmark I heard about ecology for the first time and food without/with less chemicals. I didn’t get it back there but I dreamt of being able to afford it from time to time. Today we eat 98% ecological and we are very much into sustainable life, micro local farms and buying less but better quality.

The part of that dream where I can afford the food I want to but/put in my mouth is definitely came true.

 

But one dream is not enough.

 

You see when I moved here the one thing I missed mostly was people: those that know you to the bottom of your bones and heart, those that touches you, that cherish you, that are here no matter what, people that you meet for a short time, people that are here to stay….In Croatia there was always people with you and for you and getting close to someone wasn’t a big issue. Here…it is a very opposite and the biggest problem I had, I still have.

 

I still miss that part of me. But I filled it with my family and children. And lately through the social medias I also found out that out there, here not so far from me exist people that are equaly lonely in their mindset, their dreams and ways of living this life.

 

There are people that dreams of raising kids in a different ways, staying at home, sharing economy, living space, food and time…Providing a village/tribe to each other.

 

There are amazing things to witness, to be inspired of if you are opened to it.

  

I have in a long time felt that life where we work for a material and missing a time for everything else including time for each other, is the wrong one. And when I look at my kids, specially in the weeks and days spent together all the time, their simple ways of living, needing and doing, when I look at their suntanned faces and dirty feet, deep inside myself I also know that working fulltime isn’t the right thing to do.It feels so wrong in my world getting children to send them to the day care/schools, being away from them in so many hours a week and only knowing them for those short weekend hours. I know that that is the right thing to do for many, many out there.

And that is ok – what ever works and feels good for YOU is the right thing to do (minus things that are mean and harm others). So living a life one way or another isn’t a matter of me saying everyone needs to do it my way. But my way is this thing I dream when I close my eyes.

 

I know it was a long intro to the one dream. But it is actually a big one the one that fills most of my time so I hope it was ok introducing it like that.

 

So when I close my eyes now days I dream of moving outside the city, on the piece of land where price of living isn’t so high. I dream of being minimalistic and self sufficient, growing my own food and spending my whole time going home with my children: taking care of them, teaching them instead of sending them to school. I dream living in a collective/close to people having same mindset and dreaming of a same/similar things. Going all in on ecology, good and quality products and luxury without extravagance, simple life where being together and spending time meaningfully means everything, there where you don’t need things to fill your heart but where a precious moments give you enough for a whole life of pleasure.

I must say that is so very far away from the life I am living now. I must say it is a big deal for me. And I must say that I don’t know if even a bit of my dream will come true. But I keep going playing with the though, hoping it wont be to late to change, even if it means it is very drastically.

 

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