Recently we started to watch third season of Black Mirror on the Netflix and the first episode of the season is called ”Nosadive”.
It reminds so much of the social media life and all those picture perfect profiles. But as a parent and now mother of three I was wondering when will we throw away all those illusions and stop hurting our self with feeling and believing that everything in our lives needs to be perfect just because it seems it is like that for everyone else but us.
I think it is time to say, to be brave and admit that it is ok to have a shitty day, week, year. It is ok to feel miserable, sick, tired and not so much energetic. It is ok not to feel for making a perfect meal every single day and it is ok to feel from time to time (or often) the need to be alone, to do something else than that we are doing all the time. It is ok to try to be the best edition of our self and do it for us and our beloved ones but it is also ok fail and know:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Why do we like to see all the good other seem to posses and feel that we fail in our own lives? Why is she a better mom than me? Why is he better handyman that my own husband? Why does she cook better? Why is her hair nicer or her laundry cleaner? Whey can everyone else smile and enjoy the life when for me it happens now and then?
Or does it?
I believe it is nice to enjoy others happiness but it is also nice to feel the same even when everything seems so dark.
When I gave birth in October I had an illusion that everything will stay the same, that our lives will be the same and that nothing will surprise me.
When I failed physically and wasn’t so fast to recover after giving birth I blamed myself for that.
When my children were impossible, when I couldn’t coop with their needs I believed that I am the only one on this planet not being able to work it out.
When I finally stopped and seek for the truth I found out that it was here all the time and that it was me not being able to see it.
I think it is time to see the truth and not be afraid show it.
I fail (to) often but I do raise myself every single time.
The first 3 moths of my sons life were miserable. I was miserable and I still can be that occasionally.
It is ok. Being a new parent is never peachy no matter how bad we want it to be and no matter how bad we try to. We can do so many nice and good things and still have dirty house and angry kids.
It is ok.
To be imperfect and show it to your kids isn’t a failure but a very important life fact and lecture.
I smile a lot but I also cry a lot, more now then ever before. I have good days and more of them now then for one month ago. I also have bad ones.
I do my best and sometimes I don’t. I feel strong and vulnerable at the same time. I feel like a good mother mostly but I do have my dark moments. I say “sorry” when I hurt someone and I try not to do so again.
I am a human. And as a such I am not grater or powerful than my neighbour, friend or a stranger.
Most of us live our lives to be decent and good, to help, to love and make others happy. We do it differently and some things work better than others. But we aren’t same and as such we have different perspectives and the way we look at everything.
Our children do the same. By letting them be their own, we let them to be the perfect.